I've had a week from Helven. That is that gray area where Hell starts and Heaven ends, where you cannot really tell if the Sulphur is burning you too much or the divine winds are calming you. I've laughed and I have cried. I've loved and I have not loved so much. I do get motion sickness, especially emotions motion. Those are the most horrible of all rides.
I've had to question my feelings for the most important people in my life and been through what I'd call the Litmus Test of Life. I've had to put myself in improbable situations, because that was the only way I'd make the crucial decisions concerning my life's direction and my innermost feelings.
Now, I don't regret things in my life, but of times like this, I strongly feel I do. Like joining MySpace. I joined it so that I could talk bout my life in a space that I did not feel I owed anyone the decency to try and be normal. In a space where I would rant and rave and not risk the probability of having the recipient turn me off or start avoiding me. In a space where I could say what I thought about people in my life, thoughts that I don't have the courage to express to them. Yet. In a space where I could open my heart for the world to judge, without necessarily having to sit through the retribution. Not that I fear retribution, criticism or judgment. It's the way that the world delivers it that annoys me. The backstabbing, the pointy fingers, the hushed tones, and the downcast glances…are what I can't take.
MySpace offered the chance to display Me(rcy). Unplugged. And now as I write this, I'm faced with the hugest dilemma ever. I cannot say what has happened through the week. Because it involves MySpacers who are very close to me. Not that I have anything bad to say about my friends, but I'm sure that some of the things would put some in trouble, me included, and some would tell them what I really think of them and well, that wont go down well. Not even with a cup of hot cocoa.
So, I'm just going to start sourcing for a new blogging page, where no one knows me and I don't get to spend time with my readers, lest I'm tempted to write about them. And hope that the man in my life does not know about lest I get out of line. For me now, MySpace is loosing its allure and its anonymity. No that they was much anonymity there anyway, but well, then, still.
Note: I'm moving all my blogs from MySpace