Berlin- Day #1

Today is my second day in Berlin, first day at the Talent Campus.

Despite the fact that Germans wont gave any signs in English (it's Germany anyway...) things are going on well. I arrived yesterday, figured out how to get to my hostel and how to get to the registration center, despite the cold...

I missed breakfast today. Because I had to queue for one hour to get tickets to some Berlinale Talent Campus events and the movies at the Berlinale Film Festival-- those which were not sold out already! I did manage  get a ticket for Imani, a film from Uganda.

I had so far met people from as far as Bosnia, and made friends with many more. At some point i did think it was too overwhelming.

Today is orientation day. I have signed up for a couple of interesting events / workshops... including this one

" Making Things Happen: The Producer in Close-Up
Cedomir Kolar, Katriel Schory
Producing is not just contributing to the production process – it is doing the entire process. Producers contribute to the development of the script, help design the production, from the look, to the cast, to the crew, to the rhythm, to the tone, they work on the film’s release, the marketing and the distribution strategy. Katriel Schory, acclaimed producer and now director of the Israeli Film Fund and Cedomir Kolar, co-founder of A.S.A.P. Films, state that it takes a lot to be a producer, to ensure that all options are carefully thought through and the ramification of each choice considered in advance. The two established producers will look closely into the process of producing and discuss the various elements that make a good producer for any project. They will focus on project development, creative producing and financing, as well as setting up co-productions, marketing, distribution and selecting filmmakers to work with."

Gotta go now..

more updates later

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Looking for a Jury / Judges

Its been 6 months of intense work, and now the students  from the Kibera Film School are about to graduate.

 

For those who are not aware what the film school is all about, you need to go to their blog, NOW!

 

The film school is an initiative of our production company, Hot Sun Films and our non profit organization, Hot Sun Foundation. It is based in Kibera, and caters to the youth of Kibera. We help them nurture their passion and talent in filmmaking by providing a space, equipment / technology  and instructors from the Kenyan film industry to be their instructors.

There will be a graduation ceremony in March (invitations later) for now, I am looking for a jury, much like in film festivals to watch the students final projects and select the best 3. There are 9 students, each with 2 projects, making it a total of 18 films.

The are currently working on these projects and will be done by 2nd week of February. You will have a week to watch the films then submit your evaluation. I will provide an evaluation form.

For those looking for interns, it will be a good opportunity to scout for talent in a place where talent has been ignored and not nurtured for a long time.

If you  are interested in serving on the jury, please email me: mercy@hotsunfilms.com

Prepare to be mesmerized!

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Why i care

I am awake, typing this on my blackberry way past midnight. Most of the time, when I get insomnia, I usually have no idea what is causing it. I lie in bed, thinking about nothing in particular, but not sleep. Tonight however, its different. I know what's keeping me awake, I am trying to push it out of my mind, or at least the back of it...for tonight.
An aunt of mine got diagnosed with breast cancer. I wasn't in Kenya, so I didn't know about it until a few days ago. Now, I'm not particularly fond of this aunt, I lived with her for a few months when I was in college, a life that saw me decide that living alone in a room the size of my pantry right now was a better option. She is however married to my favorite uncle. But when my mom told me about the cancer, all the dislike I had for her seemed to evaporate. I immediately called my uncle, note- not her- and asked a myriad of questions. Poor guy, he had no idea
where to begin. without thinking about it, I found myself offering to get her a doctor for another opinion, and even volunteered to accompany her. As I did all this, I was asking myself 'what is wrong with you! Don't you have enough health issues of your own to deal with?' Still... I went on. She discovered the swelling in april last year, went to various hospitals before finally being referred to the right one in November. The results came out. It was malignant and the doctors advised a mastectomy. She doesn't want to do that. So they started looking for alternative treatment. Maybe this is what got me. I don't know. But I was incensed that they would choose to ignore doctors advise and choose herbal treatment. I don't believe in herbal treatment. I need proof, tests, scientific results... Not word of mouth, I know a woman whose friend got cured blah. That I don't go for. But why should I care? I don't like her anyway! She made my life miserable when all I needed was a place to sleep instead of the horrible college hostels!

I am addicted to House MD. Nathan says I am addicted to men with lost souls. Dr Lightman in Lie to Me, Horatio in CSI Miami. Nathan...the director side of him. Damaged men. But highly intelligent :). Maybe because I like fixing things,especially people. Making it better for other people. Wanting to be needed? I don't know, I'll explore that another time. Back to House. In one episode, he pretends to have cancer. Everyone is concerned.
They do things for him, show him affection they never do, even hug him. They start tip toeing around him. Finally he gets tired of it and snaps. They are treating him like he is dead, he says. Tells them that he did that to prove something. That people become good to you when they think you're dying. They pretend to care, to love you even though you're an asshole- e.g, him. And I am thinking of that tonight. That is what is keeping me awake. Why I am doing this? I haven't talked to her in over 3 years. Is it pity? Guilt? But what do I have to be guilty about? Feeling the way I do about her? This is not an easy post to write. We normally don't want to say we dislike other people in public, esp not family. But then again, pretending has never been something I know how to do, ergo say things I shouldn't have said, ergo mostly called rude, ergo one reason I love House. telling it as it is, people should learn to take the truth. I digress. I am not feeling any guilt. Pity? Yeah, lots of it. She is a young woman - in her late 30s, 2 adorable boys- 13 and 6.and that has basically surpassed any previous feelings I had for her, and made me care. About her as a human being, about a woman who is faced with a life threatening disease. and that is all there is to it.

So tomorrow I am taking her to the doctor, I am sitting with her throughout the session, I am making sure she gets the right treatment. If this will make me feel good about myself, then so be it. A friend told me that she hates do-godders because its all about them in the end. Of course it is! Nate and I talk a lot about why we do the work we do in kibera. Yes it is to help the people, but its also as much as it is to feel good about ourselves. I could be in the US right now working in some Hollywood thing. But seeing a young man or woman learn how use a film camera and make his / her first film is more gratifying. So I choose that. Is it selfish, maybe so. Actually it is so. But is there a benefit? Yes, its a symbiotic relationship. I feel good about my accomplishments, that young person gets a once in a lifetime opportunity that changes his life forever. It was very hard for me to accept that. Denial is like Pandora in Avatar to me. I won't live there, no matter how tempting it is. Hell, I won't even visit. When you are truthful with yourself, you see things more clearly. I am rude, I am impatient with stupidity and ignorance, I am hateful towards all pretentious people, especially women who pretend to each other, I loathe mind games, again, played by women with the men in their lives, I am caring, I am honest to a fault, I am sympathetic to poor people to an extend of guilt, I rationalize everything, I push limits- and people's buttons- a lot, I love too much it kills me most of the time, I don't keep grudges because try as I may, I can never remember the reason I am or was angry at someone. I always remember that something the person did angered me but I can never recall what. I have never been angry at anyone for more than 30 minutes in my entire life, regardless of what they did. Yes, even that aunt. I can't remember what she did to me, only that it was bad.

So maybe that's why I care.

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Oh, Kenya. Gotta get hold of your chickens!

In today's paper, there is a very interesting, but sad article. It's about dead chicken and Kenyan policemen in a town called Nanyuki

A former street boy sees a van offload a sack at a dumping site. When he goes closer to the vehicle, it speeds away, suspiciously. The bag is bloody. It smells bad, really bad...like rotting flesh. He calls the police, tells them that he thinks fetuses. Why? Because of the smell, the blood, and the license plates of the van were kinda concealed.

The policemen came and took the bags away to a mortuary. They booked the bags as two bodies of twins aged 2 months.

Yep, without even opening the bags!

That was on 27th December. On 28th, 15 hours after the 'fetuses' were brought to the mortuary, the attendants took them out of the refrigerator to wash them.

On opening the bag, there lay 10 chicken carcasses.

Good job guys!

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Teaser in Caracas

I'm in Caracas... I have been for a few days now. For some reason I have forgotten how to count days of the week.

I'm overseeing post production of this feature  film...


Togetherness Supreme Teaser from Hot Sun Films on Vimeo.

This is the film that has virtually occupied my waking and sleeping time for 10 months now (well, and Nate). It was directed by Nathan and Produced by yours truly.

The plan is to premiere it in Kenya in March next year. Meanwhile, enjoy the teaser. You can also follow the progress on the the films blog page here.

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Hearts of Gold

It was Sunday, Nate was still far from finishing the work he needed to, and he was leaving that evening for China. He was stressed, and anxious. We both knew that if he went to his office, the next time we would see each other is at the airport. So we decided to both go work from his office to be next to each other. We were driving down James Gichuru road, less than 10 minutes from our house, when we saw a man lying on the curb, his head partly on the main road, on the other side.

At first i thought he was drunk, so did Nate. But we slowed down nevertheless.  His arms were raised in what looked like rigor mortis and he had white foam coming from his mouth. We immediately knew that he wasn't just another drunk, he was sick, probably epilepsy. All the while people kept walking by him, other jumping over his body. He looked as dead. There was one of those rapid security response van less than 200 meters from where he lay. We drove to them and asked them if they would call an ambulance. They looked at as like we were crazy. We backed up our car to drive back to the man, and some Indian guy also stopped to talk to the security guys. He also asked for an ambulance. The security men went on lying in the back seat of their van.

Nate drove back to the man as i called Safaricom directory service to give me the number to Kenyatta or Nairobi Hospital. As i waited for the phone to be answered in Kenyatta, we sat in the car... scared. What if he is dead, Nathan asked me. I don't know... i said. What do we do? He asked. Do we take him to hospital? I think we call Kenyatta and tell them to come for him. If they pick their phones... I said. Nathan responded 'Or we call a taxi and pay them to take him to hospital.

Kenyatta picked their phone what seemed like 5 hours later. I told them about the man and the foam in his mouth. They told me they had no car to send. WHAT? anyway, i don't know what i had expected. Nathan saw him move. He was getting up.

We got out of the car and went to him. He sat down shakily, looking around him like he was lost.  I asked what his name was, whether he was sick...

He told us that he had just been released from Muthangari Police Station. He was walking home to Kawangware (approx 10km). He showed me his epilepsy pills, told us that he had already taken them but he had not eaten for days and thought that is why he got the attack. He did not even know how long he had been lying there. He then asked us if we had any bread.  It was around 11am.

Nathan gave him 500 shillings and told him to wait in the shade. We got into the car and drove to the gas station's hop. We got him milk, bread, lucozade... When we handed him the food, he looked at us with a look i have only seen in a child. He made to gave Nate the money back, Nathan told him it was his. All of it? He asked. Yes, Nathan said.

We left him eating and drove to Nathans office. As i sat next to Nate in the car, i couldn't help but think what a good man i have, and what a prefect match for me. Despite the fact that he was backed up to a corner with work, yet to finish packing for a 4 pm flight, he still made time to stop, check up on man he did not know and help. I have a heart for suffering people. Its gets to me so much. Many are the times when i have taken my jacket off my back and covered a sleeping kid on the street. In 2003, while in college i used to walk home, almost for a year so that i could buy food for this family that used to sleep outside Kenya Archives. The mother was sick, she had 3 kids. The oldest was 7, the one i first met. She asked me for money for food, i told her if i give to her she would use it for cobblers glue. She told me that she was not like the rest. And if i didn't believe her, then instead of giving her the money, but the food myself. So i walked with her to Kenchic and got 2 packets of chips. That's when a packet cost 25 shillings. Thus a tradition was born.

Every evening, on my way from college, i would stop by where her mother usually slept, talk to her (i might have looked crazy sitting next to this family), hold her youngest who was about 6 months old and watch people walk by, other without as much as a glance. At 7pm, i would go with the 7 year old to Kenchic, get french fries and sit with them as they ate. One evening, about 9 months later, the family was gone. City Council had made a surprise visit and taken all the street families (the ones who could not run fast) and locked them up. I checked to see if they were back every day. They never came back. Till now, when i find myself near Kenya Archives, i find myself checking...just in case they came back.

When i thought of the kind of man i would like to spend my life with, that is one thing that i always thought i had to compromise on. A heart for people. The capacity to deny yourself for the sake of another. For me, it comes effortlessly. Maybe its a curse of my name. A good curse, but also one that places a heavy burden upon me every time i see suffering and have no way of helping. It keeps me awake at night. Makes me cry just by thinking about it. Most people i told about how much people suffering hurts me could not understand it.  So i kept these little things i do for the helpless to myself and never told anyone. Until Nate. Because i saw the same struggle in him. The strong guilt of having while others don't, and not because you are more deserving.  The man who would understand and share with me the need to help others, to go out of your way to be the angel someone has been asking for. And that Sunday, we both surprised each other. He couldn't stop saying how much he felt that he had fallen in love with me all over again, and i was feeling the same too. He had showed me a side i knew he had but had never seen. And i knew i had found that man. And he had found that girl.

We talked about Andrew, (who we had just helped). Maybe he was thief, maybe a gun-wielding robber. But that did not matter, he was a human being at that moment. We had helped save a life and that all that mattered...

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Religion and (my) Children

Over an year ago, a very good friend and i talked about having kids and the what to do when it comes to religion. Today, going back to our conversation, i found this mail that i wrote in response.

Teaching about God and teaching religion are two different things. Religions have rituals, and special formations that define them as such. I will  strive to teach my kids about as many religions as possible rather than stick just to the dominant religion in my / their fathers' culture. All of these beliefs should be explained side-by-side, even including the beliefs from ancient religions now usually treated as mythology. If i favor , lets say Christianity, by taking them to church and such,then they become biased.

Bringing up kids ignorant to religion makes them easy pawns for doomsday evangelists and other weirdos. I would not encourage fundamentalism and dogmatism. I see a study of religions, from the beginning of each, how it came to be, who is Buddha, Mohamed, Hare Krisha, the seven faces of Lord Vishnu, Jesus and who these people are to their respective religions, what their significance is. We would discuss The Order, Jihads, Reincarnation, Papacy, Pilgrimism , the crusaders.

What many religions try to  do is to get people who practice some other religion, to quit and join their religion. This is called "converting" someone to your religion. When you think about what these religious people believe -- for example, Christians, who believe that if you don't believe in Jesus, you will burn in hell forever after you die -- you can understand why trying to "convert" others to Christianity seems like the right thing to do, to them: they feel that, if they do not get you to convert, you are going to be sorry after you die, so they feel it's for your own good that you should become a Christian too. The problem is that some people get so excited about converting others, that they end up doing things that are unfair, like making people believe that if someone is a Pagan who worships older gods, they are really a Devil worshipper, and evil (when really, the Wiccan religion, being an Earth-loving religion, is actually quite a gentle belief system).

I like Buddhism - Buddhism is the only one I know of that will actually let you practice whatever religion you are now, and Buddhism, at the same time. This is because the Buddha taught that his followers should not just accept what others say and believe, letting everything rest on "faith" -- but they should study and consider and try things, and when they find what they believe to be true and right and they can see from watching those who are wise that it is true, and right, then they should follow that path.

I want to encourage critical thinking. which does not only apply to religion, but to life in general. I used to have a problem with the fact that my boyfriend (now ex) is an atheist. Until i got it that atheists don't attempt to base their values and principles on the commands of any gods — nor is such a foundation necessary. Atheists may rely upon any number of different foundations for morality, but a common one will be empathy for other human beings - which is shared across all religions.

Empathy for other human beings is hugely superior to basing morality on the alleged commands of an alleged deity/ religion because if a child merely learns to obey orders, then he /she won't learn enough about how to reason out moral dilemmas in new situations — a vital skill given how technologies such as the biological sciences and discoveries  keep advancing and creating new explorable  possibilities for us. Empathy, never ceases to be dominant and is always crucial when it comes to evaluating new dilemmas.

Religion is not necessary for explaining who we are and why we are here. I think kids are indoctrinated with religious dogmas that are contrary to reality. Why do i need to instill fear? I need to instill free thought and a thinking mind that evaluates, other than one that is frightened and coerced into beliefs. Simply because fear is what makes people do things, i don't necessarily think it's the right way around things. Let me digress a bit... Fear is what makes you not do the things you want to do in life. It's what holds you back. What forms our religious backgrounds constitutes into the people we become as adults. The fear of tribulation goes beyond hell fire and brimstones, it boils down to fear of experimentation and breaking through barriers to see what lies beyond what you know, what society has.

I will encourage my kids to go to church, synagogue, mosque, temple...all of them. I will let them see how other worship, the rituals..., why they believe what they believe, it's not about having a Sunday tradition for me to be carried on like a family name.. You taking them to church, as i said earlier, does not indicate a willingness to let them choose. It's setting them free,  but having a long invisible rope around their legs. They can only get so far, before the going to church biases them into Christianity.

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