A tiny country called Africa

To help reduce the amount of ignorance that Americans, eer sorry, rest of the world has for Kenya and the rest of Africa, I will dedicate the next couple of posts to the Africa Awareness. No, I will not hold sessions and workshops to educate them, I will post some of the most stupid questiions ever asked, and the equally stupid answers they recieved.

These questions about Kenya were posted on a Kenyan Tourism portal and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Kenya ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Mombasa to Nakuru - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres....take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Kenya ? (Sweden).
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Kenya ? Can you send me a list of them in Nairobi and Mombasa? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in Kenya ? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not ...oh forget it! Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Koinange Street. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Kenya ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Kenya ? ( UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Do you have perfume in Kenya ? ( France)
A: No. We don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Kenya? (USA )
A: Anywhere where a significant number of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Kenya where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Kenya ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in Kenya ? ( Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Nairobi and is milk available all year round?
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Kenya who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All Kenyan snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in Kenya in 1969 and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Mombasa. Can you help? ( USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

Thanks to the divemaster, Simon R.

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Older, not wiser, and the reverse is also true.

Originally posted on my former blog on 19th Sept 2007

So I turned 24 today. well, I feel no different that I did one year ago, except the fact that time like this, one year ago, I was in Mombasa, and my then looser boyf(r)iend had just decided that he did not want to be serious anymore. Anyway, that was birthday present from him. Asshole
Anyway, I was talking about my aging and my mental state. which is not normal, by the way, and never want it to be. Normal is boring, is mundane, is predictable and runs on a set course. I hate that. Do I know more? yes, but growing up is a process, and waking up 24yrs today does not mean that I am wiser, at least not today. It's what I have amassed in the one year it has taken for me to move from one digit to the next. It's what I have picked up on the way here, what I have taken with me, what I have been hurt by and moved on, what has touched me and lost it, what I have now that I did not have then. It's the people I have met, people whose impact in my life has left me feeling in a certain way on another, whether apathetic, energetic, motivated, lethargic, crushed or simply loved.
I have reached a point where I do not want to know more. Not that I feel I know all there is to know. I don't think anyone can truly attain that kind of knowledge. It is because I'm scared. Scared of what the information I have in me so far is affecting me and the decisions that I make in life. Scared that I'm being ruled by what i have put in my mind, that has now moved to my subconscious, and directly or indirectly dictates how I live my life. I want to be in control. I want to make decisions that I deem are fit for me, without basing it on the tried and tested. I want to make mistakes, I want to learn from them. I do not want to be stopped by the activities running through my head, like an alter ego, always contracting me, reminding me of what I heard about something / someone, or why I should not do something because of what will happen or the effects of my actions on me and others. Not that I don't care what happens to others in consequence of my actions, but if we all face the fact, we all look out for our own personal gains, our own survival, our own sustainance. (my thesaurus does not recognize that word.. so I'll assume that it does not exist. It works though..
That being said, I don't want to know more. So I made a conscious choice not to watch any news, local or international. I don't want to know who killed who, I don't want to know who rose to power where, I don't want to know how high the prices of oil has gone in the Middle East. Not that I wont hear these issues from others around me, but it easier to ignore it when it comes up, other than consciously look for the information.
Wish me luck in my ignorance quest.

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