The Update

For 6 weeks, I was on Pre-prod, producing a feature film set in Kibera, the biggest slum in Africa. The cast is drawn from the slum, most with no prior filmin experience.

The crew, with the exception of the Heads of Dept, are also form Kibera. The film, Togetherness Supreme seeks to draw out and cultivate the talent of the people of Kibera in a manner that has never before been tried, double the challenge!

The feature was born out of a short film called Kibera Kid. Kibera Kid is a 2006 award winning fictional short film set in the Kibera slums in Nairobi, Kenya, one of the largest slums in Africa. It was written, directed and co-produced by Nathan Collett in collaboration with the youth of Kibera. This twelve minute film features Kibera actors in all the principle roles. It has played at film festivals worldwide including the Berlin Film Festival and it won a Student EMMY from Hollywood. It has been profiled by BBC, Reuters, Al Jazeera English and many others.(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kibera_Kid)

After the success of Kibera Kid, the Kibera Youth wanted more, and the Kibera Kid Feature Film was born. The cast is from Kibera, with with little or no screen exprience. Apart from the Heads of Departments, the rest of the crew are youth from Kibera. Most of them have never worked in production before, triple the challenge!


We went on location on 23rd March and has been rolling since. Today, is supposed to be the final shoot day... We are shooting on the RED camera, another first.

It is the first time a RED camera has been used in a slum, on a such a project and the first to be owned in Kenya. Despite the challenges of doing a project of such magnitude, the crew and cast are all in high spirits and everyday, I realise how deep an impact this project has on the people of Kibera.

To learn more, support us, you can ask me questions here, or email me- kookync@gmail.com. You can also visit http://kiberakid.blogspot.com to see more of what is going on on location....and to donate.

We also have a film maker making a documentary about the film, and you get her version of our film here - http://worthydocs.blogspot.com/

Onwards!

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Flying Without Wings

On my way to Jamaica - (sorry, you did not know that!) anyway, while there, I did this and this. Back to my story. Where I was in the land of Patois (Patwa), I kept thinking how far I have come from the 12 year old who dreamt of marrying Nick Carter and touring the world with him, and living in Florida. If you don't know Nick Carter, you are way too old to reading my blog. (sic) This is he


He once ruled my world with his little army called the Backstreet Boys. By now you know that I did not marry him, mainly because he dated Paris Hilton. As much as it hurt, I had to call it off on my 16th birthday. This thoughts started when i was in Ft. Lauderdale waiting to connect to Montego Bay. Here i was, 13 years later ( you can stop doing the math as to how old i am) in Florida, the only place i ever wanted to be. I started to think of what had changed about me. I guess we never think about the boyband crushes girls go through as teenagers, and how we believe anything is possible. I mean, there I was, another 12 year old, deep in the heart of Kenya, dreaming of marrying a boy in one of the biggest boybands of our time. Where was that little girl? I don't dream that big anymore. I dare call it to 'dream big' because given background, I needed a probability hyper drive to come close to realizing that dream. I hardly think Boy Carter had dreams of marrying a little African girl from Kenya....

So why don't I dream like that anymore? Not of boybands and blond-blue-eyed teenage heartthrobs, but of greatness and accomplishments beyond the wildest dreams? You might retort and say it is because i grew up and became realistic. I don't think so. It would have been equally unrealistic for me to dream that i would be sitting in Florida on my way to a holiday in the Caribbean . When I went to Disney World a few months ago, these thoughts did not go through my head. I never grew up wanting to be a princess or a fairy, or even wanting to meeting one. It was never 'real' enough to me. Disney never held that 'magic' for me. It could be the environment i grew up in. Play was not filled with barbie dolls and make-up, it was polyethene paper balls, mud and clay dolls and used cooking fat tins cooked food. No, my mother did not feed me that. In those days (damn, i can finally use those words), cooking fat / oil was packaged in cans, more like canned beans. We would get the empty tins, steal a little bit of cooking fat from the house, two or so leaves of vegetables, charcoal and matchboxes. We would light a makeshift burner and play 'house pretend', where we actually cooked the food. Every child had to bring an item from home and i did most of that. My parents were always away on business and the nanny / housegirl cared less what i did.

My parents never knew that i did this. Both my parents were very protective and my father would rather get me anything i wanted rather than let me out to play. I never got what his reasoning was since he could only do this in the short periods he was home , but i was rarely allowed out of the house when he was around. I took full advantage when we he was away. I also watched too much TV. My TV supervision came later in my teenage, when I had lost interest in it and loved Mills and Boon far much more. In the occasion that my dad was home, i would lock myself in my room and fantasize for hours about Nick. The things we would do, the names we would give our kids, the places we would visit....My mind was uninhibited in its wandering. As i left Ft. Lauderdale, i longed for that feeling. Not that I have stopped dreaming, but i have limited myself as to what i can dream about. I want to make life changing films, but i dream of making them up to a certain budgets. I daren't (it's a word) dream of the endless possibilities that could be, that are actually available. Making films is just an example, there are so many other things...

I replaced Nick Carter with Mark Feehily. Once again, let me be the fist to show you he

Mark is the one with the angelic ( i still think so) voice in the Irish boy band called Westlife. Hiw blue eyes drove me wild. Yes, my affair with blue eyes dates that far back. I happened to see a song i used to love (secretly still do) in a Karaoke book in Montego Bay, and I got up and sang it. I was transported back to me as a 15 year old, wanting everything Irish. I now wanted to move Ireland, I knew everything there was to know about Eire, you'd have thought i grew up in Sligo. Again, I never held back my dreams of Ireland and Mark. I swore to myself that my son was going to be called Shane, after the lead singer of the band. I have not been to Ireland yet, but I'm not closing my mind to that. In my head, I'm going to roam in the lush green of the hills, smell the rain....because i have learnt that only I can limit what I achieve my limiting my dreams. I have learnt that there is not dream to big, and the is no fantazy too wild and if i never get to have it in reality, at least i can explore its full beauty in my mind, which is more vivid than anything that Technicolor will ever come up with.

Because dreaming is flying without wings. Nothing to control you, letting wind that is your imagination fuel the images that fill your mind. It is the free-falling of thought, with arms wide open and outstretched.

And right now, sitting here at JFK waiting for my flight, ( airports seem to make me think), I'm playing Westlife over and over again. It feels stupid, very juvenile in fact... but there is also this feeling of release in my heart and mind, the feeling that I have opened myself to more things than i will ever appreciate, more love, health, wealth, happiness and fullness of life.

And to quote the song:

....And when you know how much it means
You've found that special thing
You're flying without wings

So, impossible as it may seem
You've got to fight for every dream
Cos who's to know which one you let go
Would have made you complete
....And it's like flying without wings....


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Now playing: Westlife - Flying without wings

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A Taste of the 'Sun' in Myrtle Beach

A couple of months back, I got the rare chance to work with Fall Out Boy in Uganda on the set of one of their music videos. Not only was that a great experience for me, but to be involved in a cause that truly takes children's lives as priority was a humbling experience.

I've always wanted to see a famous band live, and I missed my all time favourite, Hinder, by a whisker in Myrtle Beach. As they rocked the Golf Capital of the world, I was freezing my behind off at Times Square. A few weeks later, I was in Orlando banging my head to the drums of my good friend Andrew Hurley and the rest of the Fall Out Boy live at the House of Blues. Later, I became a member of House of Blues just so that I don't miss a good show. And when i saw that Edwin McCain was in town, I was ecstatic! Now, all my friends know that I've had fantasies of watching him perform live, heavens knows i have gone as far as imagining him singing ' I'll Be' at my wedding. Lady dreameth far too much! I was skeptical though about his opening band. I had never heard of them before. I have put together rock shows before and i know nothing kills the morale of the fans as a bad opening band. My first thought was to go after this band had performed, but the thought that I'd loose my seat made me go earlier. And what a surprise!!

The band is made up of three lads from Atlanta, Georgia. They walked onto the stage and you could tell that not many people were familiar with their music. It would not be a good thing to call their music pop. Well to me, pop is NKTB or some boyband...bordering on teenage-ish, niether of which can be used to describe them. Their music is sharp but sweet breeze of difference. It is this melodious fusion of soft rock with a soulful yet engaging element to it. It is mature, yet playful and simple.. and deep. I could not help but think how much like Coldplay they did sound, except Chris Martin sometimes makes me want to feel sorry for some inexplicable reason. What hits you first is this laid -back attitude about them, the feeling like you can walk over and say, 'Hey dude, how about doing that song RHP song?'

For a about 30 minutes, i forgot who i actually came to see! Yeah, that good. 'Burning Both Ends' is one of the songs that got to me. You just have to listen to it to understand...

BUT

Don't take my word for it. I could be lying. This is my review of them, what's yours? Sample what i did (only that i did it live) by going to their MySpace page. They also maintian a blog which i'm sure they dont mind you dropping by.

I cannot recall who is who, apart from the drummer, who by the way did this great drumming set, that the end of the performrance the screams at the House of Blues woke up the geriatrics 10 miles away. All i rememeber is that one of them had a shock of fuzzy blonde hair. Sorry, no pictures were allowed...

They are:

Jason Pomar – lead vocals/bass guitar

Edgel Groves, Jr. – guitar and vocals

Nathan Lathouse – drums and vocals

Be sure to check them out! Sun Domingo are a band to watch.

And just in case you were wondering , yes, Edwin McCain blew the socks off my feet, and i was wearing boots. One of the few times that i feel like what i paid was unfair to the perfomers!

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Now playing: Howie Day - Wonderwall (Oasis cover)

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Of Christianity and Alcohol

This post is inspired by my pal Ssemakula's note, on Facebook, which he nicely tagged me...

I grew up in a Minister's home. Both parents. Even though there was the mandatory church attendance evey Sunday, there was no pressure to gfollow in their way. But bein a kid, that is a really a catch 22 situation as you have to listen to your parents, and obey, even when they say that you have a choice. You never really have it. Because when they say we are going to church, it means exactly that. I digress.

I don't consider myself a Christian anymore, and contrary to what many believe, it is not out of vengence or revenge to the ministers called my parents. I'm not an atheist either - i believe in a Supreme Being, in God. I just don't proclaim to any religion. My research has led to me to the one conclusion that ALL religions lead to one agreement / arguement- of a Supreme Being and the need to co-exist with nature and your fellow man. Most of the tenets in all religions are common sense.. when not written in Latin and Hindu, that is. And when religions are not fighting as to whose holy book has more pages, or killing in the name of their god, they are a source of great teachings. The Muslims are the epitome of commitment, that i admire. The Christians are steadfast, Hindus are meticulous in the rituals, Buddhists ever so divinely lovely...

However, i know my Bible more than i know any other Book, hence this post.

There is nothing wrong with alcohol, after all, didn't the Son og God turn water into a wine at the wedding in Galilee? (John 2:1-11). Also, Paul instructed Timothy, because he had a stomach problem to not drink the water where he was going. "To drink a little wine..." (1Timothy 5:23).

There are also a couple of verses in the OT - as Ssema so kindly researched as to where wine / alcohol is encouraged. We are told to enjoy the fruits of our labour, and many-a-times the Lord did tell his children to enjoy and feast their harvest usually which include - grapes, wheat and whatever else makes alcohol, right?

Alcohol seems to be widely discouraged in Christianity, mostly for those who cannot control their faculties after consuming it. It is WHAT the alcohol makes you do, not the alcohol itself. When Noah first got off the Ark, he grew himself a vineyard, go so shitfaced, and lay naked. His son Ham earned himself a generational curse due to this. Now, if Mr. Noah had had only one glass, that would not have happened. The whole of Ham's clan has to live in an eternal curse due a a drink too many.

Lot's daughters, after a successful getaway from Sodom, made him drunk and raped him in order to concieve and continue their family. That might sound like a reasonable thing to do (i dont know in what world) since their family was on the verge of extinction, but surely, the Lord who delivered them from there, who gave Abraham a son in his old age, would have found away to change that...

Galatians 5:21 Lists drunken bouts and revelries among the works of the flesh which will not be allowed admittance into God's Kingdom. Not part of the "fruitages of the spirit" which all true Christians should cultivate.

In Deut. 21:18-21 the death penalty is prescribed for a son who is described as “stubborn and rebellious, . . . a glutton and a drunkard.” Prov. 23:20-21 uses the same terminology saying, “Do not be with heavy drinkers of wine, or with gluttonous eaters of meat; for the heavy drinker and the glutton will come to poverty, and drowsiness will clothe one with rags.” Here we see both excessive drinking and overeating listed together. In one instance the death penalty is prescribed for the wicked son who is characterized by gluttony, among other things. Proverbs also associates gluttony with drunkenness for both are sins of indulgence, and God’s wisdom is to “not be with” gluttons. The reason is obvious, a drunk, like a glutton refuses to use self control, he indulges the flesh, he is a bad example and corrupting influence on those who are trying to maintain self-control and discipline.

Having listed the first two ; Lot and Noah, below as some excerts from the same book on acohol....

3) Leviticus 10:9-11 - God commanded priests not to drink so that they could tell the difference between the holy and the unholy.

4) Numbers 6:3 - The Nazarites were told to eat or drink nothing from the grape vine.

5) Deuteronomy 21:20 - A drunken son was stubborn and rebellious.

6) Deuteronomy 29:5-6 - God gave no grape juice to Israel nor did they have intoxicating drink in the wilderness.

7) Deuteronomy 32:33 - Intoxicating wine is like the poison of serpents, the cruel venom of asps.

8) Judges 13:4, 7, 14 - Samson was to be a Nazarite for life. His mother was told not to drink wine or strong drink.

9) 1 Samuel 1:14-15 - Accused, Hannah said she drank no wine.

10) 1 Samuel 25:32-38 - Nabal died after a drunken spree.

11) 2 Samuel 11:13 - By getting Uriah drunk, David hoped to cover his sin.

12) 2 Samuel 13:28-29 - Amnon was drunk when he was killed.

13) 1 Kings 16:8-10 - The king was drinking himself into drunkenness when he was assassinated

14) 1 Kings 20:12-21 - Ben-Hadad and 32 other kings were drinking when they were attacked and defeated by the Israelites.

15) Esther 1:5-12 - The king gave each one all the drink he wanted. The king was intoxicated when he commanded the queen to come.

16) Psalm 75:8 - The Lord’s anger is pictured as mixed wine poured out and drunk by the wicked.

17) Proverbs 4:17 - Alcoholic drink is called the wine of violence.

18) Proverbs 20:1 - Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging.

19) Proverbs 23:19-20 - A wise person will not be among the drinkers of alcoholic beverages.

20) Proverbs 23:21 - Drunkenness causes poverty.

21) Proverbs 23:29-30 - Drinking causes woe, sorrow, fighting, babbling, wounds without cause and red eyes.

22) Proverbs 23:31 - God instructs not to look at intoxicating drinks.

23) Proverbs 23:32 - Alcoholic drinks bite like a serpent, sting like an adder.

24) Proverbs 23:33 - Alcohol causes the drinker to have strange and adulterous thoughts, produces willfulness, and prevents reformation.

25) Proverbs 23:34 - Alcohol makes the drinker unstable

26) Proverbs 23:35 - Alcohol makes the drinker insensitive to pain so he does not perceive it as a warning. Alcohol is habit forming.

27) Proverb 31:4-5 - Kings, Princes, and others who rule and judge must not drink alcohol. Alcohol perverts good judgment.

28) Proverbs 31:6-7 - Strong drink could be given to those about to perish or those in pain. Better anesthetics are available today.

29) Ecclesiastes 2:3 - The king tried everything, including intoxicating drink, to see if it satisfied. It did not. (Ecclesiastes 12:8)

30) Ecclesiastes 10:17 - A land is blessed when its leaders do not drink.

31) Isaiah 5:11-12 - Woe to those who get up early to drink and stay up late at night to get drunk.

32) Isaiah 5:22 - Woe to "champion" drinkers and "experts" at mixing drinks.

33) Isaiah 19:14 - Drunken men stagger in their vomit.

34) Isaiah 22:12-13 - The Israelites choose to drink; their future looks hopeless to them.

35) Isaiah 24:9 - Drinkers cannot escape the consequences when God judges.

36) Isaiah 28:1 - God pronounces woe on the drunkards of Ephraim.

37) Isaiah 28:3 - Proud drunkards shall be trodden down.

38) Isaiah 28:7 - Priests and prophets stagger and reel from beer and wine, err in vision, and stumble in judgment.

39) Isaiah 28:8 - Drinkers’ tables are covered with vomit and filth.

40) Isaiah 56:9-12 - Drinkers seek their own gain and expect tomorrow to be just like today.

41) Jeremiah 35:2-14 - The Rechabites drank no grape juice or intoxicating wine and were blessed.

42) Ezekiel 44:21 - Again God instructed the priests not to drink wine.

43) Daniel 1:5-17 - Daniel refused the king’s intoxicating wine and was blessed for it along with his abstaining friends.

44) Daniel 5:1 - Belshazzar, ruler of Babylon; led his people in drinking.

45) Daniel 5:2-3 - The king, along with his nobles, wives, and concubines, drank from the goblets which had been taken from God’s temple.

46) Daniel 5:4 - Drinking wine was combined with praising false gods.

47) Daniel 5:23 - God sent word to Belshazzar that punishment would be swift for the evil he had committed.

48) Hosea 4:11 - Intoxicating wine takes away intelligence.

49) Hosea 7:5 - God reproves princes for drinking.

50) Joel 1:5 - Drunkards awake to see God’s judgment.

51) Joel 3:3 - The enemy is judged for selling girls for wine.

52) Amos 2:8 - Unrighteous acts of Israel included the drinking of wine which had been taken for the payment of fines.

53) Amos 2:12 - Israel is condemned for forcing Nazarites to drink wine.

54) Micah 2:11 - Israelites are eager to follow false teachers who prophesy plenty of intoxicating drinks.

55) Nahum 1:10 - The drunkards of Nineveh will be destroyed by God.

56) Habakkuk 2:5 - A man is betrayed by wine.

57) Habakkuk 2:15 - Woe to him that gives his neighbor drink.

58) Habakkuk 2:16 - Drinking leads to shame.

59) Matthew 24:48-51 - A drinking servant is unprepared for his Lord’s return.

60) Luke 1:15 - John the Baptist drank neither grape juice nor wine.

61) Luke 12:45 - Christ warned against drunkenness.

62) Luke 21:34 - Drunkenness will cause a person not to be ready for the Lord’s return.

63) Romans 13:13 - Do not walk in drunkenness or immorality.

64) Romans 14:21 - Do not do anything that will hurt your testimony as a believer.

65) 1 Corinthians 5:11 - If a Christian brother is a drinker, do not associate with him.

66) 1 Corinthians 6:10 - Drunkards will not inherit the kingdom of God

67) Galatians 5:21 - Acts of the sinful nature, such as drunkenness, will prohibit a person from inheriting the kingdom of God.

68) Ephesians 5:18 - In contrast to being drunk with wine, the believer is to be filled with the Spirit.

69) 1 Thessalonians 5:6-7 - Christians are to be alert and self-controlled, belonging to the day. Drunkards belong to the night and darkness.

70) 1 Timothy 3:2-3 - Bishops (elders) are to be temperate, sober, and not near any wine.

71) 1 Timothy 3:8 - Deacons are to be worthy of respect and not drinkers.

72) 1 Timothy 3:11 - Deacons’ wives are to be temperate and sober.

73) Titus 1:7-8 - An overseer is to be disciplined.

74) Titus 2:2-3 - The older men and older women of the church are to be temperate and not addicted to wine.

75) 1 Peter 4:3-4 - The past life of drunkenness and carousing has no place in the Christian’s life.


Now, you will notice that wine / alcohol was condemned, drunkeness, intoxication, addiction to the drink are what are condemned. It does not take a rocket scientist to figure out why.

I view alcohol the same way i view food. God has provided it for your enjoyement, but when you misuse it, take more than you can handle, then you go against His wishes, hence the sin.

I know I shoulda become a Minister...


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Now playing: 3 Doors Down - Ticket To Heaven

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Where Have I been?

So I have been MIA from my blog for over a month. I have been trying to recover. I would tell you where I have been, but the media captured it way better.

BREAKING NEWS

Dateline Saturday January 07, 2009

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Myrtle Beach

Kenya Woman Abducted By Aliens

Myrtle Beach, South Carolina resident Dark Angel was recently found wandering by a ranger in the state forest. According to ranger Tom Rickelsohn, she appeared to be in a daze and kept repeating "Best worst I ever had". Upon further questioning it was determined that Ms. Angel had gone camping thirty three days previously, and thought it was the following day. Unable to account for the thirty three days, Ms. Angel was taken to Myrtle Beach General Hospital where she underwent a battery of tests to determine the cause of her apparent confusion.

Ms. Angel's physical examination turned up no clues, although she complained of some soreness during her nasal examination. Ms. Angel was also subjected to a battery of psychiatric tests which also turned up no clues, although the examining psychiatrist was overheard mumbling "dumber than a cinder block" as he left the examination room.

Local UFO investigator Peter Smithwyche heard about this case and contacted Ms. Angel who agreed to meet with him. After a brief interview, it was decided that hypnotism might unlock the secrets of those missing 33 days. Mr. Smithwyche called in a registered hypnotist, Dr. Marie Galson to place Ms. Angel in a hypnotic trance for questioning. The following is an excerpt from the transcript of that session:

Dr. Galson: What are you doing now?

Ms. Angel: Drinkin' beer and eatin' smores.

Dr. Galson: Describe the area.

Ms. Angel: Trees, campfire, lake. Dere are bright lights coming across da lake. Dey stop over me. I'm goin' up into da light.

Dr. Galson: What happened next?

Ms. Angel: I am floatin' inta some kinda examinatin room. I have no contol over my body. Dey are bendin' me over some kinda table.

Dr. Galson: Who are they?

Ms. Angel: Small grey men wit big eyes. Lotsa dem, an' dey all nekkid as jaybirds! OWWW! DAT HURTS!

Dr. Galson: What hurts?

Ms. Angel: My nose! OWWW! OWWW! No Stop! OWWW! Stop! OWW! OOHH! Don' Stop!

The session transcript continues on much like this for several hours. Was Dark Angel really abducted by aliens? And if so, what did they hope to find? Or was Ms. Angel just in an alcoholic blackout for thrity three days? To her credit, she did produce a this picture that she claimed she found next to her when she woke up.

We've presented the evidence - the answer is for you to decide.

Story by Remik Johnson

* * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * **

Ooh! You fell off the chair! Sorry about that. Anyway, I have been setting up something that i hope works out. And it will with your help.... my Ebay Store!

Tell yah' it aint easy!

We also get abducted here

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What blow jobs and pancakes have in common

Oh I just had to!


Stolen from The Goth Mom
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Now playing: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Snow ((Hey Oh))
via FoxyTunes

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The Day I Answered to Stupid

The day I claim intelligence, remind me of this day.

There is this new phenomenon across the Us that makes Americans lazy, as if they were not lazy enough to begin with. It's called the Redbox. It does sound like something that should come with a parental advisory warning, but it's actually kind of harmless.

A Redbox is a free standing red box (duh!) that dispenses DVDs. It's got a 'stupid guide to renting / returning a DVD from / to a Redbox' which looks something like this:


Now how hard can that be, given that you also have these instructions on the DVD. All you need is a credit card.

It says - 'return to redbox with side facing you'. With a very big Insert and arrow sign

So JP, my very sweet host goes to return the DVD... obviously after my famous film watching methods. Hours later, he comes back with the film. I of course ask him all the basic questions - Was the DVD facing the right way, did you select 'Return A DVD' on the menu....You would think this is obvious. But no, with JP nothing is. I will dedicate another post just for him. Yeah, he requires a whole post entire about him. We are talking about a guy gets lost 1 minute after driving out of his house on the way to the grocery store, or who makes me walk around a whole complex because he cannot remember where he parked the car. And being man, he would not take directions. A story for another day. As I said - very sweet. He assures me he did, and adds that there were many others that could not return their discs too.

I, the all-knowing one, offer to return the DVD. He drives me to Wal*Mart, which is where we the redbox is located. I leave JP in the car as I go work my magic. Confidently as I can, I walk to the kiosk. I follow all the instructions, insert the DVD and wait. 5 seconds later it rejects it. I try again, and again, and again and for good measure, again.

I walk back to the car and between JP and I, we manage to convince ourselves that the box has a problem. We go through the day's motions, and just before dinner, we decide to give it one more shot. The thing with Redbox is, you pay a dollar for any extra day you stay with the film after 9 pm. I get on my Blackberry and search for other Redbox locations. As luck would have it, I can access the webpage BUT i cannot do a search for the locations! We drive to Piggly Wiggly, Food Lion, name it. Finally, we pack outside the former and JP gets on phone to reach the customer service. We drive to McDonald’s, while he still on phone, because I remembered a mention about them being located at a McD's. I walk in to McD's and ask if they have a redbox. The look on the cashier's face is priceless. If I didn't already look ludicrous asking that question, I would have taken a picture of him. I spent a few minutes explaining what it is, and all through I’m thinking - if he does not recognize the name and the disc within the first glance, me spending 5 minutes explaining what it is will not help. Back to the packing lot, JP is still on phone, 20 minutes and counting.

Finally! He gets through. He explains that we rented the movie on Monday, tried to return it on Wednesday, and today, twice. She goes ahead to ask him the same questions i had asked him. That agitates him even more. She asks for the barcode number on the disc, I read it to him and she gives it to her. The lady on the other side asks if he is outside a redbox. He says no, we are about 5 miles away from the nearest one. And his voice is not the sweetest at that point. She patiently explains that he needs to be at the location so that she can manually program the box to accept the DVD. Does she have a direct line so that he does not need to wait 20 minutes again to get to her when he gets to a Wal*Mart? No, he has to call again. But, if he selects the Spanish option, he will get connected faster. Whatever. He hangs up and we drive to Wal*Mart. JP is seething. He goes on and on how he will never use a Redbox and how that company defrauds unsuspecting clients. I join him in working out how they are defrauding people using their cheap advertising of $1 a day movie rentals. I even work out how if they made it hard for people to return the movie, and they had about 50,000 people across the country fail to return by a day, and then they make $50,000 that day from credit cards. I'm such a genius, I think!

We get there, there is a guy at the machine, and he manages to rent a movie. That does not make sense. How can it keep dispensing if it cannot take back? I try once more. Nothing changes, still rejects. By now, JP has worked himself into a little ball of really really tight wool. Standing at the entrance of Wal*Mart is a little lady of about 80, complete with an employee tag. JP actually asks her for help. I try not to laugh as the little old lady ambles over. With her frail little hands, she tries her hand at what JP regards as the bane of his existence. JP is busy trying to tell her that we already tried everything we could think of, but she does not listen. Inwardly, I’m thinking, if it works for the little old lady, JP will surely shoot himself. But knowing his luck, he would probably miss. Luckily, it doesn't work. He leaves me at the kiosk and goes to look for customer service, guns blazing and all. As I stand there fiddling with the on-screen buttons, this 200-pound 13 year old kind walks over, talking on his cell phone about his new xbox.. I move over and let him return his. What do you know! His is accepted!

All along, I have been questioning what JP and I are doing. I have been thinking that we are doing something wrong, but cannot figure out what. We are following all the instructions...At the back of my mind, I'm thinking, If this machine has had a problem since yesterday, granted the number of people who use it, by now, it would either be closed, or we would have very irate customers lined up at the customer service desk. Given the hard economic times, tempers are running really high and patience wearing thin. And considering the fact that its $1 each day you keep the movie, that is money no one wants to waste.

The kid can obviously tell that I have been there a while. Without getting off the phone, he takes the DVD from me. He tells whoever is on the phone that he should consider ask for payment from Redbox, what with the many numbers of people he has been helping out. Apparently I'm not the first person that day he has helped!

So, he takes the disc from me, gives it a look over and shakes his head. Casually, he says 'The barcode should be facing the other side' and flips open the disc, turns it and shuts it again. Walks over to the machine, presses 'Return a Dvd' and voila! It is done.

JP and I have been returning the disc case facing the right way, but the disc inside facing the wrong way. It was being rejected because the machine could not read the barcode. Great. Now I have to go look for JP. I kinda don’t want to find him, because I feel really bad that I will have to tell him that it worked, yet I’m very sure he has been raising hell at the customer service. I meet him and the CS lady walking back to the box. He immediately sees that I don’t have the disc with me. The expression on his face goes from 'what the fuckety fuck did i just do' to ‘You gotta be kidding me' to ' oh, well'. He apologizes to the CS and we leave.

I explain to him what happened, and what we were doing wrong. He tries to feebly explain to me that he did try that buy I can tell that those are a dying mans’ fight for air arguments. As we drive off to diner, all he can say is how stupid he must have looked going off on the poor CS lady and how they now have him on camera. He is now worried that Wal*Mart will send out a warning to all grocery stores about this crazy white guy who cannot follow simple instructions….

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