So we left off when my visa had been approved, and they went as far as giving me a visa for a whole year. Maybe I should have celebrated? I only wanted to be here for 2 weeks...Mmmh.
One of the reasons why I love travelling so much is the meeting people part and how stereotypes seem to come to life over and over again. Minutes after boarding the plane in Nairobi, one was already in play. My seat was in the middle aisle, and had to go over one seat to get to mine. There was a lady (based on first impressions) already settled and had to go over her. I stopped in front of her and told her that my seat was the one next to hers - politely excused myself, I'd say. She went on sitting, for about a minute as I stood there, blocking the aisle feeling the impatience of all the people behind me. I figured she was not gonna get up for me to pass. I thought, well, if she wants me to squeeze through, I'm down with that. After all, we squeeze through seats all the time in Kenya as there is this obsession with first occupying the seats closest to the door, making it hard for everybody else to get into buses / matatus. I'll be blogging about that soon.
So I brace myself and start squeezing in to my seat... sideways. She gets up, angrily and in a French accent says 'What are doing? I was letting you pass and you did not. Now you want to pass?' She was saying these as I got into my seat. After I sat down
I looked over to her, a retort on my lips. I caught myself in time.
Man she was angry!
That is not the kind of anger you get because someone annoyed
you in a plane- that was years and years of pent up anger, now being released in small doses. Common sense warned me against trying to reason with her as giving logic to her would be adding gasoline to a fire.
Now that is not a situation you want with someone you are going to be sitting next to for the next eight hours. Of course you could always switch seats but who would want to sit next to her? or me, depending on how you look at the situation.
Eight hours later, landed in Heathrow. Had a few hours to kill, so went shopping. My boss went to Wagamama in Terminal 5, where I was to meet her later. I start walking to towards the restaurant, and this girl stops me at the door.
My boss thinks in her sleep. She says those are the best ones.
On Wednesday night, she thought. And her thoughts included me accompanying her to Los Angeles for a film locations expo. We are representing Kenya as a filming location, and meeting producers who might be interested in filming in Africa, and would like assurance that Africa does not always have to be described as writer Binyavanga Wainaina describes below:
Never have a picture of a well-adjusted African on the cover of your book, or in it, unless that African has won the Nobel Prize. An AK-47, prominent ribs, naked breasts: use these. If you must include an African, make sure you get one in Masai or Zulu or Dogon dress.
In your text, treat Africa as if it were one country. It is hot and dusty with rolling grasslands and huge herds of animals and tall, thin people who are starving. Or it is hot and steamy with very short people who eat primates. Don't get bogged down with precise descriptions. Africa is big: fifty-four countries, 900 million people who are too busy starving and dying and warring and emigrating to read your book. The continent is full of deserts, jungles, highlands, savannahs and many other things, but your reader doesn't care about all that, so keep your descriptions romantic and evocative and unparticular.
Make sure you show how Africans have music and rhythm deep in their souls, and eat things no other humans eat. Do not mention rice and beef and wheat; monkey-brain is an African's cuisine of choice, along with goat, snake, worms and grubs and all manner of game meat. Make sure you show that you are able to eat such food without flinching, and describe how you learn to enjoy it—because you care.
In the course of my work, I get to deal with topics I would have otherwise never bothered with. Like the time I had to do research on Geo-metric remote sensing and space innovations, and understand it it well enough to actually ask intelligent questions to expacts of the filed.
Today, an inquiry comes in, and the production company is doing stories around the world on medical mysteries. I have done a documentary like that before (My Shocking Story - The Tumor that Ate My Face) for Discovery Channel, about a Kenyan woman - Pastina Nthoki - with a medical condition called Ossifying Fibroma. Her surgery was successful but she died three months later. As I read through what they are looking to film, this is what I found:
Deep in wilds of Indonesia sits Dede, a man whose body is a mass of gnarled root-like growths With his rootlike feet and gnarled hands, he is known as "The Tree Man".
Living in a remote village in the wilderness of Indonesia, 36-year-old father-of-two Dede has stunned medical experts.
Most of his body is covered in growths which have become so large and thick they look like twisted tree roots growing out of his skin.
Dede says his worst fear is that the cruel disorder will kill him before doctors have a chance to save him.
"I am scared that it will grow across my face and end up covering it all up," the former construction worker says. "I'm so afraid I won't be able to see, that I won't be able to eat."
Dede grew up in a tiny hamlet near Bandung, south of Jakarta, the capital of the volcanic island of Java.
He enjoyed a completely normal childhood, but just after he turned 15 he cut his knee in an accident on a building site.
The injury - not deemed to be at all serious at the time - was to change his life forever.
Within weeks, a huge growth had emerged from inside his wound.
He says at first he was not unduly worried, believing it was a wart which would eventually drop off.
But it didn't. And shortly afterwards, horrific welts started to spring up all over his body.
"The first one was cut off in an operation, but that didn't stop it. Instead it just grew back faster.
"Then it started on my foot, then my arms, then my other foot and then on my head," says Dede.
By the time he had reached his early 20s, he could no longer hold a tool and struggled to complete basic tasks. He was fired and has remained unemployed since.
His wife also left him, leaving him to raise their two children, Entis, now 18, and Entang, 16, on his own.
"I feel sad because my wife left me," says Dede. "And with my condition I cannot look after my kids. I miss working very much. But unfortunately I just can't do it."
Unable to work or earn a regular wage like his friends, Dede has been crippled financially ever since the shocking condition first took over his body.
And as a single father, he knows he is not only responsible for himself.
But just washing and getting dressed in the morning have become virtually impossible for Dede.
He has been helped by his brother-in-law Imun, his parents and his close friends, who club together to make sure Dede has enough money to feed himself and his teenage kids each month.
But his support network of friends and family have provided him with more than just money to survive.
Each morning, family members take turns to put his specially designed trousers on over his sprawling feet and help him lift a fresh shirt over his body.
Someone must be around if needs to go to the toilet.
Friends have even designed a huge stool so he can reach his food - but even this has to be spoon-fed to him twice a day.
Only smoking - he gets through 30 a day - can be enjoyed on his own, with a special cigarette holder.
Indonesian doctors tried to help him when he was younger with a series of painful operations, but to no avail. "When I was in hospital I had some of my growths burnt off and I was injected several times. I was also given some pills.
"But everything kept growing back after the operations, like just three weeks later. And they would grow back faster," he says.
Now medical experts in America say they may be able to help Dede by producing a cure specifically for him.
Dr Anthony Gaspari, chairman of the Department of Dermatology at the University of Maryland School of Medicine in the US, is fascinated by Dede's condition.
"I was absolutely stunned," said Dr Gaspari. "I'd never seen anything like this before.
"I've become really interested in his case because it's so absolutely unusual. The growths he has are just something we don't encounter in clinical medicine."
Dr Gaspari took samples of Dede's growths and has now been able to diagnose his condition.
He believes Dede has an extremely rare genetic disorder which means his immune system does not function properly.
This is why his body was never able to recover from the initial outbreak of the growths, which are actually warts, caused by the human papilloma virus (HPV). Dr Gaspari is now working on developing a unique cure for him.
But Dede says: "I worry that this disease will be passed to my children."
And despite previous disappointments, Dede is hopeful that this time doctors can help him. "I'd love to be cured," he says poignantly. -MY Shocking Story: Half Man Half Tree is on the Discovery Channel on Thursday, November 15, 9pm.
WHAT IS IT?
There are more than 100 types of human papilloma virus - over 30 of which are sexually transmitted. The virus directly attacks the skin and causes warts, which can spread rapidly if touched. Normally the body's immune system will fight them off although gels help kill the virus. Dede's lack of treatment coupled with his poor immune system have increased the severity of his condition.
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbour.
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.
You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...
6. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
7. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow dropped dead.
8. A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
9. A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.
10. A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.
11. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
12. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
13. A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
14. A CHINESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
15. AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.
16. A BRITISH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. Both are mad.
17. A KENYAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You eat both.
Sent to me by a friend.