In more ways than one, I am coming back home. I have been away working in the Maasai Mara as an Assistant Director for a company that does live game drives - a very interesting experience for me but also a huge eye opener. Now that that part of my life is over, home is where I am headed. This blog had been my where I brought my thoughts for years. From 2005 I think. That is a long time. I was a fledging then, and I guess for you to really know me, you would have to go that far back. Sometimes I do that, and constantly get awed by how far I have come. How much my life experiences have shaped me, what tenets I have kept and which I have let go. I have realised that what I thought was an unhealthy relationship with this blog, actually kept me grounded. And now, I am coming back. Home. To this blog.
Life is what you wish you had
but you don't. It is what you see from a far and yearn for, or in some
cases, actually pursue it diligently, if only to have a taste of what
you think other out there might be enjoying. Life wheezes pass you like
that cab that won't stop when you hail, but will not hesitate to splash
muddy waters on you on the pavement. And as you watch it speed away,
you realize that you have just been dealt a very bad hand, and lady
luck has retired, not for the night, but for the decade. Every morning
on my way to work, I'm forced to stare outside the car window for long
(long is used loosely as this could stand for 2 – 5 minutes) and
sometimes, I do actually pay attention. Sometime last week, I observed,
really observed. I become aware of a small pickup truck that I meet
with at around the same time every day. It's a very nondescript car,
and you are likely to ignore it. What made me notice it were the
chickens in the back. The owners have constructed a mesh cage and
horizontally divided in into two, thus making a double storied kind of
cage. They pack chickens – hybrid broilers / or old layers on their way
to the slaughters house – that is my assumption – in these two stories.
The chickens sit quietly, almost demurely, as if cognisant of what
awaits them.
Is this any
different from my journey to work? Do the chickens also look at me and
feel that fore boarding sense of worry and pity towards me? Do they
look at me with their tiny beady eyes and wonder whether I know what
awaits me, what the day that the night worked behind the veil of
darkness to so deftly craft hold for me? Douglas Adams almost convinced
me that mice do run earth. In one of these traffic snarls, my house
mate and I got into a conversation, well more of a speculation about
Mice and Cockroaches. I will give them first caps as this will somehow
recognize their yet-to-be-proved dominance. Cockroaches will be the
only surviving living things on the planet when we finally fry
ourselves up with UV rays and other cosmic rays and their off springs,
radioisotopes. And we wondered, is there a scientific research, maybe
in the USA, or Russia or even Japan, to make a replica of the
cockroaches shell for humans to wear protectively, when we can no
longer make higher SPF's? And Mice actually do run the universe; that
every little thing we do, no matter how ingenious is orchestrated by
Mice. Which is what got me wondering to my housemate in the car, what
of the mice that scientists conduct research on? He thought that those
were the prisoners or pariahs of the Mice kingdom, and being subjects
of us lowly brained beings is their punishment. I thought he had a
point. Imagine the lowest animal you can think of on earth, actually,
expand your thinking, in the universe. Now imagine you being condemned
to be the subject of its meaningless research.
What
I fail to understand is why you would allow yourself to be one of the
dirtiest animals on earth, especially if you controlled Earth. I mean,
look at all the advancement we have thereof. Even in my pea sized brain
(I'm looking at my brain from a Mice Point of view); I would surely
want to be a greater animal. It's like God choosing to send Jesus as a
pig to rescue the human race. I would call that very bad mathematics.
Anyway, he had a point, if far fetched at that! We could be controlled
by the lowest form of life without our knowledge. Apparently even
dolphins had a revelation of what the world was headed into (notice I
said what not where), and have been trying to tell us for years. Can't
blame me, and other human forms for not listening. Their language is
harder than Danish. And take it from me, Danish is not a language, it's
a advanced form of galactic medley of confusion (Sorry Hunny, you can
kill me later, you know how best)
Happens
that religion can explain most things and hence rest our troubled minds
as to why we exist. Science can also do that. Big Bang is where the two
meets. They fight to differ, and to me, the harder they fight the more
similar they get. Like an old married couple. Think about it, if an old
married couple to us is along the lines of 10 years to 60 years (life
expectancy limits the bracket), what about centuries, and still forced
to co-habit in the same house (read Earth), deal with the same kids
(read Humans) century after century? I'm not a fan of religion. I was
born into one. And somewhere along the way I felt like a groupie on
some really confused rock band. I got the concept of what religion
tried to do, but I saw it fail. Then I wondered why I was in the
religion I professed to be in. I got one answer; because I was born
into it.
When I really
thought about it, I decided to get off the bandwagon and watch from the
sidelines. I think this is when I should confess that my not so
favourite pastime is thinking, and worrying. About things like; are
there homeless children in Alaska, whether the ant that I stepped on
accidentally this morning knew that it was going to die today, and if
so, it say a proper goodbye to its family, (I worry about that with
humans too) whether my pal knew her mother would be dead this time last
year, and if so, what would she have done differently, whether I will
celebrate my 30th birthday...anyway, that was not the line of thought I
was going to follow in this blog.
You believe
in the religion you believe in because you (your soul, your nature)
cannot accept that death is finality. There has to be something more,
otherwise, why do we bother living, why not kill ourselves and get over
with. Well, I think suicide bombers have got that covered. That is why
we go through the motions of life, because we have given ourselves
reasons to, because we humans need justifications, reasons and answers
in to Why, which when married to How, breeds very naughty children,
namely, When, Where, and the twins, What and Who. We then devote our
lives to finding answers, fighting about it, and proving the dominant
faith and downplaying the rest.
Are
the dolphins really that cleaver they might actually have something to
say that if we do not heed to, will lead us to dire straits? If we
stopped cutting into Mice and just observed them, would we learn
something valuable and hence settle the Ultimate Question? I bet if I
were to choose an animal, I would pick Ants. Sorry I know they are not
animals... for animals I would pick the pig, for its celebrated
orgasmic capabilities. But then, I figured that the only thing I have
to worry about in this life is living to the ultimate satisfaction in
everything I do, as I don't know what awaits me ahead, and if I spent
too much time worrying, fighting and arguing about it, I'll lose on the
best things.
Busy as I
may claim to be enjoying the best of things, I do worry though; I'm
still human, no matter how hard I fight it. Do I worry about religion?
Yes. Why? Because it was ingrained in me from the day I learnt the
difference between the beauty of fire from a far and the beauty of fire
on my fingers. And just when I convince myself that I have safely
crossed to the other side without the proverbial troll riding and
digging deep into my back, it sinks it claws, from whatever end of my
body it was hanging on to. But then I have that special innate ability
to be stubborn, even unto myself. Don't' forget that other special gift
of not being able to concentrate on anything for more than the time my
brain will allow. It selective on what it really wants to concentrate
on and there is nothing I can do about that, in this case, thankfully!
Making
excuses is not my specialty. But I do like listening to them and
wondering how best I would have put it, were it left to me. And by
gawd, I would have an excuse for everything in the universe, and to me,
everything interconnects. By some cosmic power of pulling elements
towards the centre of the earth, all things hurtle towards each other,
like the Bermuda Triangle, only at a slower pace. Religion, politics,
relationships, business, war... all of it. It's all to satisfying so
sort of deficient.
A
quest by the human race to prove something to each other, to
themselves. Unexplainable does not mean inexplicable. Just because
something is unexplainable does not mean that paranormal forces must
have been involved, only that we haven't found the explanation for it
yet. I could start a whole school of thought and argument with true and
untrue theories in accordance with that statement, but I'm not that
inspired today. Take it as it is, mull over it in your sleep.
Living without
knowing what you are here for, what your purpose in life is, where you
are headed is frustrating. Which is why we have higher stress levels
that any other living organism. That elevated stress level of animals,
say a chimp will be to find it's tree cut down, or it's favorite spot
occupied by a pride of lions. Why don't you try for a change, just not
think about anything? Live today like you don't have another day like
this. Actually, you don't. Today is never a continuation of yesterday,
and neither will it ever be a prelude to tomorrow. Different entities,
like you and your parents or siblings. You are related, but you are not
the extension of any of your family, not even your twin. Think of the
days septets, their mother being the week they fall in, their father
the month. In the end you will have a father that has 4 wives, and each
has 7 kids. Now take 11 more families like that and you have a clan
called Year. The only relationship they have? Association by marriage,
birth, nothing more.
This blog was not about religion, life,
etc. It was about nothing really. It was my weird way of trying to
prove something. Now as you were busy reading this, you failed to
notice that the first words of every paragraph formed a sentence: Life Is What Happens When You Are Busy Making A Living. Get my drift?
