May 04, 2006

I have spent my life being the kid who turned out wrong. the one who did not listen. what they did not know is that i was more than listening, i was analyzing what i was supposed to listen and adhere to.

I talk closet to home, that means i give the most practical examples to everything i refer to. and in this case, i take on my parents. they had the idea of what i should be (like) long before i was born, and i can trace this to the fact that their parents too had it for them. and since they did not become who they should have (become) they set on a psychological journey of reflecting the(ir) unfulfilled dreams on me.

I had my own, and worse still, i kno(e)w how to use it. and use it i did. I defied. Now, Defy, Rebellion - are a words i like, because their meanings shows what i (have to) spen(nd)t my life proving. it 's like having your cake and eating it, only this time, the cake got poison.

The verb defy has 3 meanings:

Meaning #1: resist or confront with resistance
Synonyms: withstand, hold, hold up

Meaning #2: elude, esp. in a baffling way
Synonyms: resist, refuse
Antonym: lend oneself (meaning #1)

Meaning #3: challenge
Synonym: dare

Rebel(llion) has deeper and more meanings that i wont subject you to. But my point here is, you never push against blank or nothingness, you do not resist vacuum, you resist an exertion of a form of push / power or any establishment that hinders a movement in the direction you are geared to.

And that is where i confront with resistance any form of organization that seeks to veer me from my intended purpose.

I am the girl who never believed in 'giving birth in wedlock' and that made me bad. Let's look at wedlock. It is comes from two words Wed and lock. we all know what wed means, then we know that lock (ed) is not so pleasant a situation to be in.Whoever said i had to give birth inside a locked up institution called wed(ded, ing)? and just by the fact that he (whoever) said it, who is the judge that that is the 'correct path' to take (to give birth). and what makes it the correct path , anyway, if a 'correct path' actually does exist in the first place! i think the reason as to why such things, like giving birth were not made a community (group) activity is because nature (or God if you believe) knew that a person had the ability to make a simple decision like when and when not to. it beats me where people get off telling me (others) what and when to use their bodies (for anything)! of what effect is my conception got to do with the society? tell me. it's mine, let me worry about it!

Gotta (pretend to)work....rant soon...