I want out

They say tears clean up your heart and its good to cry. It is good to cry when you choose to cry. but what about when you don't even want to? what about when they just flow?

What about when you have cried and cried and you have nothing left and still your heart pours out? The dryness of what it leaks is what drives you to the abyss of rage so deep you want to ran away? Where do you run to? How do you get away from yourself? How do you live with you if you are fed up with you? What about then the darkness in your heart is so great you need a solar system so show you round you feelings? What if those feelings are the ones that hurt most and you cannot kick them out as easy as they walked in?

What about when you are scared of your own mind? what if being there is what makes you want to tear out your gorge out your eyes?? What if every thought is a sharp knife that is continuously driven into you guts, twisted, turned, wrenched and driven back in again?

Where do you go if your mind is one place you'd rather not be? What do you do if the person you are, the one you are becoming is the one person you want to take out? What if the person who is being you, the person you are being - you cannot handle? Because that person will not listen to reason and you have no strength to talk to that person anymore?

What if you are loosing control of you?

What then?