March 03, 2016

Till Kingdom Come

No, this is not a religious post. That will never happen here. It's the name of the song I have been listening to over and over for couple of days.  I love Coldplay. Chris Martin gets me. Corny, right?

So this song is about this guy who will wait for this girl, till kingdom come. He is lost, he does not know himself, but as long as the girl will promise to come and set him free, he knows it will be alright.

Now that is some bullshit that we fall into over and over again.

But then again, isn't this the kind of love we crave for? Other people see love from above, hover above it, assess the surrounding, carefully eliminate dangers and possible heartbreaks, then slowly ease down, guided by the winds of common sense and the agility of levelheadedness. Gently they land in love, no dusting off required, no quickened heartbeats and near-heart attacks.

Me?

I am the one that falls headfirst and braindead into love. I see love, sometimes I see ideas of love, you know, those that could be love but who really knows...and I dive. I come down hurtling, bumping my head into clouds of slow-down-mercy, scrapping my knees onto the storms of  recklessness. By the time I hit ground-love, I am a mess of pure ecstasy, dishevelled and glimmering with bittersweet pain that can only be described as suicidal rhapsody.

I feel. With every single pore of my skin. This could be termed as borderline obsession, but not in an 'I'll kill you then end myself' kind of way. I have tried to explain this but all I get are blank stares coupled with a very huge urge to reach for a phone and call help for me.

Let me try explain it.

It is a feeling that starts from a deep crevice of my heart's heart and spreads slowly into my main heart. It is a slow burning ember that emanates as a flicker of light. As a candle would from a distance. And as you approach it, it glows, becomes brighter, bigger... now imagine that light is a fire that does not burn. It is a warm and gentle blanket, but at the same time, a fire that doesn't consume you in as much as it envelopes you. For me love is a heart orgasm. You know that feeling you get when you climax? Now... imagine that for your heart. Every freaking minute you think, see, feel, touch that person.

I often walk away wounded, bruised and vowing to never fall. Telling myself how I will make myself a love parachute. Until the next time when I see it from above 50,000 feet.

And I dive.

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