7 Feb 2011

Giddy is the feeling...

...that I have right now. It has been a shitty week. My aunt who i wrote about here succumbed to breast cancer. I have been feeling really low. The kind of ow that toilet flies don't wanna be close to as that is even beneath them.

But our film, Togetherness Supreme, won the Best Int'l Feature Film Award at the Santa Barbara Int'l Film Festival. And that is a BIG deal.

I did not sleep well last night. I took 5 Kroeger Sleep Aids (oh shut up, you are not my mother). Two do not work, and I don't owe you an explanation. If  you did not feel like admonishing me for doing that, thanks.  Anyway, I got drowsy as expected. 1 hour, 2 hours, 3 hours. Crap! I was not awake, I was not asleep. I was stuck in between! I was feeling like a person trapped between this world and the afterlife. Not quite anywhere. This went on for hours! I could not form coherent thoughts, could not even keep track of my thought.. kept asking myself, what was i thinking that led me to this thought. why am i thinking this particular thought right now? why i am thinking about thinking? what was i thinking before i started thinking about thinking? See, fucked up!

That went on the whole night! You do not want to know how grumpy I was in the morning. I made Nate eggs and bagels. He did not touch the eggs. I wanted to shove them up his snobby nose. I do not think he has ever told me i love you and you are beautiful in one day as many times as he did today! And even that was annoying. And all the cheek pecks and are you okay, anything i can get you were too much. I swear he was pissing me off just by breathing next to me. We got on the 101. Everytime we are on 101, i always sing Phantom Planet's California. Today I did not. He started ' We've been on the run...' I gave him a look that shut his mouth faster than velcro. Poor man! He still had 2 more hours in the car with me! He put on the radio, I reclined the seat and dozed off.

I was beginning to enjoy the sleep when the car stopped. We were in Santa Barbara. I told him to leave me in the car and go keep himself busy. He went to Starbucks. 5 minutes later, I followed him. My stomach was getting queasy. I would get this sharp pain, like gas. I could not pass any gas,then the pain and feeling would go away. Great. More things to piss me off further! As if that was possible. I went into Starbucks toilet. There was a lady in front of me. She complimented me on my headscarf and earrings.  Said I looked good. I said thanks, and I am in a shitty mood. Why did I tell her that?? She turned out to be very nice. I didn't see it then. Then she was just a bother. She told me there is a nice church she goes to. i said I was from out of town, was just visiting for the festival. I could see her rearrange her mind troops to find another comforting thing to say. I was gifted with one thing. Eyes. Mine say volumes. You do not have to know me to understand my ' shut up or i swear...' look. She got that one, and retreted. I know. I know.

Then to the award ceremony. We walk to the lobby to ask which room the ceremony is at. The guy at the front desk goes like... pardon? Seriously. I have the most clear accent. I pronounce all my words! But for some reason, Americans don't understand me. I always have to repeat myself. I never have to in London. Americans need English lessons. It's Le-tter, not Le-ra. and Wa-ter, not Wo-ra. Kwendeni huko!

I look at Nate and with my pleading eyes. The 'I will kill him if you don't step in' one. I can honestly feel the sourness coming from my pores. Ugh! The announce that our film has worn. It ALL goes away. Snap. Just like that. Really?? I get pissed off at my moods. At least it could have taken them a bit longer to go away. Like gradually, not just-like-that! One second crap, the next jubilation. I felt shortchanged by my moods!

Anyway, that feeling right then has been with me since. We met up with our pal, called our friends, shared on all networking sites, did tonnes of interviews, then came back to LA in time for Superbowl. I have refused to understand that sport. I don't want to. My mind's quota of the 'sport section' is full. I will have to eliminate a sport from my mind to create room. No way. All I know is that when they say touchdown, someone has scored a point. And that's good for me.

I was still sleepy. I still am. Maybe i am dreaming this post? I will wake up tomorrow, go to my blog and not find this post. Oh well. If it's real, then I guess I need more of those Kroeger sleep aids.

Note to self. Don't take 5 ever again. They will eff you up. badly.

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