21 Nov 2006

My Space...My Downfall...My Recluse

It all started here.** One day I log on and I have this message waiting. Being the adventurous one, I replied. Now I wish I had not. I met him here, and here is the place I come to lament.

Even after writing that oh-so blissful life in Nairobi, I had to go back to Mombasa. and there, the ugly head of reality waited me. nothing had changed, nothing was gonna change. not in this life time. So I got onto a plane, flew back to Nairobi and here I am. jobless, homeless, but alive, and hey, still pretty and sexy!

My eyes are glowing, what will all the tears that washed them! I hurt yes, but I love myself more, especially since I was strong enough to walk, as opposed to being stubborn and killing myself, trying to prove that I could stay and hold on.

My friend Paul, my favorite, lovely, cute, oh so handsome Irish lad is going through hell, and I can't be there for him. And trust me, this sounds corny but by talking to him about his relationship problems, I was relieved to know that even across the seas, such stuff still happens, and that lessens the pain. My other pal from Norway is in Kenya to break up with his g/f ...I love love, I love r/ships and I can't wait to get into the next one. I'm always honest and truthful to myself. that is why i wont swear that i will never love again. Beacuse hey, I will and I will still give it my all. He said I loved him too much bit scared him, then i started blaming myself. Until I gave myself a listening-to, that went like this. 'Mercy, he doesn't know how to love, nor to be loved. He has never been loved in his life. He has dated no-good women who cared naught about him. Here comes you, who quit her job to help him in his company, and he dropped you cold in less than two months. Get up, move on and wait/look for that guy who is dying to be loved with all that love you can offer. One who is not a selfish bastard who think you can pick and drop someone's heart like a ping pong ball.. blah blah'

and here I am, ready to roll, again!!

** This blog has been moved from MySpace blog page

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