House: Hello, sick people and their loved ones! In the interest of saving time and avoiding a lot of boring chitchat later, I'm Doctor Gregory House; you can call me "Greg." I'm one of three doctors staffing this clinic this morning. This ray of sunshine is Doctor Lisa Cuddy. Doctor Cuddy runs this whole hospital, so unfortunately she's much too busy to deal with you. I am a board certified diagnostician with a double specialty of infectious disease and nephrology. I am also the only doctor currently employed at this hospital who is forced to be here against his will. That is true, isn't it? But not to worry, because for most of you, this job could be done by a monkey with a bottle of Motrin. Speaking of which, if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this: this is Vicodin. It's mine! You can't have any! And no, I do not have a pain management problem, I have a pain problem... but who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm too stoned to tell. So, who wants me?
Cameron: Is that the woman you use to live with?
House: No, that's her Indian name.
"...there's no I in 'team'. There is a me, though, if you jumble it up."
House: “Are you a fan of symmetry?”
Young Doctor: “Sure.”
House: “Weird, because your eyes are lopsided. And by eyes I mean breasts.”
Dr. Eric Foreman: Chase, stop.
Dr. Robert Chase: [stops]
Dr. Gregory House: How'd you get him trained so fast? Electronic collar? Got dog treats in your pocket?
"There is not a thin line between love and hate. There is --- in fact --- a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every 20 feet between love and hate."
I think you get it now. And i hope you agree that I need therapy (and the Complete Season 4 DVD, complete with Extras). I found this treatment...
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