16 Jul 2008

Satan shared with me...

I got this in my inbox today. If I was religious, this would convince me to be an atheist. What bull! I have added my thought in italics...


I saw you yesterday as you began your daily chores. ((damn! So that way you?)

You awoke without kneeling to pray. As a matter of fact, you didn't even bless your meals, or
pray before going to bed last night. You are so unthankful, I like that about you. (maybe I thought it??)

I cannot tell you how glad I am that you have not changed your way of living, Fool, you are mine. Remember, you and I have been going steady for years, and I still don't love you yet. (I know, you are in it for the kids)

As a matter of fact, I hate you, because I hate God. (I see the connection)

He kicked me out of heaven, and I'm going to use you as long as possible to pay him back. (Oh, that was not the connection I was talking about. But that's understandable too. Pick a fight with the mortal, when you want to et back at the immortal. Smart move)

You see, Fool, GOD LOVES YOU and HE has great plans in store for you. But you have yielded your life to me, and I'm going to make your life a living hell. (Oh come on, that's where all the fun is!)

That way, we'll be together twice. (Swu-e-t)

This will really hurt God. Thanks to you, I'm really showing Him who's boss in your life with all of the good times we've had. (How about I be boss of my own life?)

We have been watching dirty movies, (I knew there was something a bit off with the movie - Saving Ryan's Privates and Forrest Hump - could not place it though)
cursing people out, (what the fuck are you talking about?? )
stealing, (But i said i stole!)
lying, being hypocritical,
fornicating, (That is using my phone right? I see no problem with that!)
overeating, telling dirty jokes, gossiping, (Then I won't tell you why the blonde crossed the road!)(but her husband ran away with the maid and the daughter is sleeping with her mother's ex- boyfriend! -- I think that is with my cousin's wife's brother said!) being judgmental, back stabbing people, you mean this?. (You mean this?)

disrespecting adults,
and those in leadership positions, surely, this aint one of those -

no respect for the Church, bad attitudes.

SURELY you don't want to give all this up. Come on, Fool, let's burn together forever. I've got some hot plans for us. This is just a letter of appreciation from me to you. I'd like to say "THANKS" for letting me use you for most of your foolish life.

You are so gullible, I laugh at you. When you are tempted to sin, you give in. HA HA HA, you make me sick. (How can i make you sick if you love it when I sin?)

Sin is beginning to take its toll on your life. You look 20 years older, (I look 44 years old? wow!)
and now, I need new blood.
So go ahead and teach some children how to sin. All you have to do is smoke, get drunk or drink while under-aged, (If i look 40, the its okay to drink...aint it?)
cheat, gamble, gossip, fornicate, and live being as selfish as possible.

I actually give up attempting to comment!

Do all of this in the presence of children and they will do it too. Kids are like that. Well, Fool, I have to let you go for now. I'll be back in a couple of seconds to tempt you again. If you were smart, you would run somewhere, confess your sins, and live for God with what little bit of life that you have left.

It's not my nature to warn anyone, but to be your age and still sinning, it's becoming a bit ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I still hate you.


P.S. If you love me, you won't share this.

Signed: Satan

I'm having dinner with him here!!

2 commented:

Anonymous said...

And I thought our hate mail was awesome!

Anonymous said...

That love letter? that was hatemail??